Not Everything is Meant to be Shared

I’m not a huge fan of gatekeeping myself (especially when I want more info on something from someone else who is withholding), but it got me thinking, in some situations, I do think it is necessary. All of this is to say, I think we should do it more as a society obsessed with mass participation in one specific thing. The thing that most comes to mind is music—I mean, are you asking me for this song because you feel an emotional and personal connection to it, or because you think it’ll serve your own appearance? Constantly subjecting yourself to your peers’ likes and dislikes, following mass participants in a trendy artist or creator— it allows for unoriginality or a less cultivated sense of self. Which brings me to this question: How much of who you are was discovered alone?

Today, as a twenty-two-year-old, I think the majority of what has shaped me is my childhood, and the way I was raised. And because people of my generation have a lot of growing to do outside of home, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to have a fully formed identity yet. Regardless, I’ve noticed a lot of people my age, especially at my school, like to curate their identity based on others. This is an observation through fashion choices, film, music, cuisine even. And while we live in a capitalist society, driven by consumerism and money and power, it isn’t unlikely for our society to follow and support the latest trends— regardless of the personal impact it leaves. I feel like I am at a point though, where I am not afraid to let my “original” or sometimes controversially agreed with likes or dislikes, dictate how I pursue my life. More so, I don’t think it is a bad thing to have your own identity, one where you don’t have to like all major pop stars like Taylor Swift or Sabrina Carpenter because every other person likes their music, but you can instead cultivate your own based on artists you actually agree with or resonate with. That is not to discount trends or widely followed artists, possibly due to childhood nostalgia or actual personal impact, but it allows for deeper questioning. Does it align with you on an emotional level? Are you submitting yourself to this because it is merely that, a trend?

I always think about the “clean girl” or “soft girl” or even “old money” terms that are always used by people, whether it be to categorize them or curate them. As a society, we have become reduced to a marking, dictating an entire personality based on the checklist of items that must be followed. It signals belonging, and this has been pushed for centuries through colonialism and migration, especially. It is a status symbol, and it is an aesthetic that so many are dying to be recognized as. This not only turns individuality into a performance, but pressures individuals to look like something, rather than be something. Something so unavoidable, especially in school is the need to be seen, or rather admired for something. This becomes most noticable when attending high school or even college parties, where everyone is meant to fit a specific standard— dressing up, doing glam and excessive makeup, all just to be acknowledged by peers or possible crushes. It almost never becomes an act of individualty anymore, but rather a statement waiting to be addressed. Overall, this matter becomes much more related to image, than individuality and a measure of self-confidence, especially with the intensity of standards set by the media. The pressure to belong, which is then determined by the image, becomes suffocating and all too unauthentic to actual being.

Moral participation is also something to consider. Is your participation in something diluting your understanding of it? Meaning—the context that comes with a lot of famous figures or artists often gets ignored. I find this most noticeable in social media, when people repost texts, infographics, statements without actual meaning behind it or perhaps a lack of action other than that upload. This sort of action, while still promoting the outrage and acknowledging the story, becomes less meaningful as it becomes visible. Not to mention, the speed that mass participation thrives on. A lot of times, people repost without reading the entire context, unknowing of the problem in the slightest, but depending on the mass amount of attention and content portrayed through media to only see part of a full story. It allow for an understanding of the situation before context is even revealed, which leaves no room for original thought or understanding of the matter. In this case, gate-keeping is only crucial, as it serves an ethical responsibility, not an act of exclusion. Therefore, the protection of serious matters is what urges further examination for depth over the immediacy and dilution that involvement of mass participatory emits.

Sometimes things don’t need an explanation. You may like something just because, with no reason to back you up other than you just enjoy the feeling it brings you when you indulge in it. There is no shame in that, although there is most likely a deeper meaning behind why you like or dislike something, and that might be worth exploring. There are often many things we subject ourselves to without actual reason, and this is not to call out every decision or personal finding we come across, just an observation we might want to explore more. This is why the act of gatekeeping does have power in itself; it offers self exploration, self-curration, and not the constant need to conform to standards and trends that don’t allow for the personal reconciliation or depth required to aid one’s identity.